Thursday, January 29, 2009

RAGBRAI 2009 Route

The route for RAGBRAI 2009 has been announced. And it's gone south this year - the first time I've ridden the ride in southern Iowa. It'll be interesting to see how that differs from the northern routes I've ridden the past five years.

Every year when they announce the route I get very excited about training for the ride. Add to this excitement the interval workout from Tuesday, and biking is back in my blood.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Interval Biking - Jan. 27

Tonight was my first night of exercise in close to 6 months (as if anyone needed another reason to see why this blog was created).

It was tough. And painful. And amazing. It was just what I needed to start exercising once again.

I went over to Kyle’s Bikes in Ankeny to ride indoors with my uncle. Turns out there three cousins and around seven other riders, as well. A nice group of people. We rode to a 48-minute, Carmichael mountain bike training DVD that had us doing an interval workout.

Intervals are a brutal thing. I remember them from high school track and cross country, and I’ve read about them in running magazines, but I do my best to stay away from them. They’re just tough. You work at a high level (high heart rate) for a period of time, with only a brief recovery in between each interval.

We began the DVD with a warm-up, then moved on to a set of 30 second high RPMs, with a 30 second recovery. After a bajillion of these (I don’t remember the exact count, but I believe it was around 15 – 20 minutes of them), we had a longer recovery before beginning a set of 2-minute intervals at high RPMs, with 2-minute recoveries in between. I wish I could remember the details better, but it was tough enough to stay on the bike. Next time I do this DVD I’ll do a better job recording the workout.

Needless to say, I’m stoked to be back on the bike. It usually just takes one good workout to get me excited once more.
Workout: ~ 48 minutes, covering ~ 12-15 miles.
Reactions: tough, tough, tough; breathing was very heavy, and the cold I’m recovering from was very apparent in my sinuses; on the verge of cramping in the calves during the middle of the ride, but conscious effort to avoid this worked; drank most of a water bottle during the workout, finished it directly after; loved it.

Monday, January 26, 2009

Sleep Over Exercise

I did it once again: chose sleep over waking up to exercise before work.

I know I'll get at least some exercise in this week with the bike ride on Tuesday night (indoors at Kyle's Bikes) and some ice skating Saturday, but I'd really like it if I could wake up and force myself to the gym one of these mornings.

I'm bogged down with stress and I know the exercise would help relieve some of the pressure, if only for an hour or so.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Random Challenge - Week of Jan. 26

This week's random challenge has been chosen to help make me finally begin exercising. I know this isn't a problem for Steve, but I've yet to do any, and this is 25 days into the challenge. Not good.

So, here's the Random Challenge, for 1 point:

During the week of January 26th - February 1st, you must exercise for at least 3 hours. It's simple. Just do it.

And remember, anyone can come up with Random Challenges. Just email, or post in the comments, and I'll put them up for all. Only one Random Challenge per week though.

Progress Report IV - Jan. 25

Weight: 221.8 lbs.
Loss/Gain: -7.2 lbs.

51.8 lbs. to Goal (170 lbs.)

Exercise Hours: None

January Wellness Challenge progress: applesauce (apples), peaches, pears, bananas, carrots, broccoli, lettuce (Romaine and iceberg), zucchini, green beans, peas and pea pods and sugar snap peas, potatoes, bell peppers (red and yellow), pineapple, strawberries, mango, black beans, edamame.
17 of 15.

:O Absolutely shocked at the weight loss this week. Nothing I can see from comparing food intake from last week to this week is drastically different. We’ll just have to see where things go from here.

I did eat four meals out this week, more than my goal of eating out only once a week. I was also sick with a cold, especially bad early in the week, but clearing up near the end of the week. I was still pretty unmotivated with the exercising, but I now have a reason to hit the gym, so hopefully this week becomes the week.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Random Challenges, Guys?

If you guys have any suggestions for a Random Challenge, please respond in the comments, or email me.

I have one for this coming week. Remember, this is yet another way to earn extra points in the competition.

"Push yourself to the limits and experience wonders you never imagined."

Thursday, January 22, 2009

The Challenges of Frozen Fruit

I wanted to try some different frozen fruits to see how they thaw out and taste afterward. I bought a bag of strawberries and a bag of mangos. Tonight I defrosted the strawberries, and gave them a try.


The bag said to let them thaw at room temperature for 30 minutes, stirring every once in a while. I did this and they were still pretty frozen to just eat. So I let them sit a bit longer. After about 45 minutes I ate them, still partially frozen - or at least very cold. And they were alright. Some of the larger ones were still crunchy with ice crystals, while the smaller slices were mushy. I don't think this would be such a problem if they were mixed into smoothies or such, but I don't have a blender, so that's not an option now.

I'll be curious to see how the mangos fare. I've actually no good comparison here because I don't believe I've ever eaten a mango. I've had them in smoothies, and in flavorings and applesauce mixes, but never alone.

I need to look up some recipes or advice for the use and preparation of frozen fruit before I consider adding this option to my diet.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

I Hope It Doesn't Last

I hope I get over this cold, and soon. I'm starting to lose my voice for the second time in the last four months. I do not like being sick - no, I don't.

It makes everything else so much more difficult throughout the day. This wouldn't be so bad if I didn't need to get out there and exercise this week due to the unusual amount of dining out I'm doing. There wasn't much motivation to exercise before, and now - sick - there is even less.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Once a Week (But Not This Week)

My goal when I started the diet was to eat out only once a week. This would help me continue to make healthy food choices, and save a little cash. And for the past two weeks that has worked for me.

This week...not going to happen.

I ate out Monday because of work meetings, will eat out again because of work meetings Wednesday night, and Friday night because of plans made earlier. I'm sure the co-workers will still expect to eat out Friday for lunch, simply out of habit, but this one I can skip.

Still, it's more than I anticipated when shopping for the week, and it's more than I have included in my diet plan. Ah, flexibility. I'll just have to plan accordingly and make sure I get the fruits and vegetables I'll most likely miss in a meal ate out some other time in the day.

Down with the Sickness

I hate feeling sick. I've got a bit of a sore throat and runny nose thing going on. It started yesterday, but I was hoping it would simply just go away, and it didn't. I can work through this kind of sickness, but it just makes my day a little less enjoyable.

Oh, and I didn't sleep very well last night. I had a difficult time falling asleep, and then I kept waking up throughout the night. Ever since about Christmas I've had quite a few nights where sleeping has been difficult. And sleeping usually isn't something I have much trouble with. That's the most frustrating thing of all.

What a way to start the morning off.

Monday, January 19, 2009


I could have passed on dessert today at lunch, but a co-worker was buying and I hadn't treated myself to a dessert in a while. So, I had a the smallest cup of raspberry sorbet at Cold Stone Creamery (160 calories). It was great! It was also a relatively healthy option to keep in mind for future dessert desires.

And I would have had ice cream - cotton candy flavored - but I was afraid the blue color would stain my mouth and I had meetings to attend after lunch. Saved by vanity.

Wellness Logs No More (For Now)

I'm not going to continue to post my wellness logs daily. First, this was part of a Random Challenge and never meant to be permanent. Second, it takes too much time to copy this information from the file I'm keeping, personally, in Excel. And finally, I'm sure you have better things to do than read what I've eaten throughout the day. While it's good for me to keep a record; you could spend your time on more engaging endeavors.

What I will do is continue to post - almost daily - my thoughts, feelings, and attitudes as I challenge myself with this year of loss and healthy living. (I may repeat this week of wellness logs every once in a while just to keep myself honest and on task.)

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Wellness Log - Sunday

Exercise: None

Breakfast – bowl of oatmeal with spoonful of brown sugar
Lunch – cup of sirloin burger with country vegetables soup, pear slices, raisins, glass of milk
Dinner - bowl of Creamy Broccoli Tuna Helper with broccoli florets, peach slices, glass of milk
Snacks – 1½ glasses of Diet Coke, bag of Orville Redenbacher Smart Pop Buttered Popcorn

15 Fruits and Vegetables – pears, raisins, broccoli, peaches

Spent a lot of today lounging around the house watching mucho TV. While it was nice to have some weight loss this week, I’m pretty sure that I’ll be able to eat more when I (finally) begin exercising. I know I’m sounding like a broken record, but I just can’t seem to get motivated to workout. The Tuna Helper with the broccoli florets is really good. I’m going to have to make it again, and soon. One box gives me three servings – so it lasts for a while.

The Cost of Eating

I went grocery shopping today for the week and was surprised by the cost. When I returned home I had to check and see just how much I was spending on food each day. (Why? I don’t know; I’m just curious.)

This week I spent $51.64 on food and drinks at Target. Figuring that I’ll eat about 80% of what I purchased during the course of the week (not likely that I’m going to go through 3 boxes of pasta – purchased because it was on sale for less than a buck a box; etc.) I’ll eat approximately $41.31 worth of groceries. That is $5.90 per day.

When you think about the cost of dining out, even a value meal at McDonalds, or a $5 foot long sandwich at Subway, this would feed me only one meal a day for the same cost.

It is much cheaper (and healthier) to eat at home. Sometimes it’s just nice to see that reinforced with math.

(And $5.90 a day on food doesn’t seem at all excessive to me.)

My Pantry

A week or two ago I came across the mention of a website where people were sharing photos of their pantries. It sounded like a neat idea, and since a large part of this blog is relates to healthy eating, I thought I'd share mine.
From left to right -
Top Shelf: empty containers, plastic utensils, Instant Quaker Oats, cereal (Special K: Cinnamon Pecan), whole wheat pasta (rotini), Cheesy Ragu Double Cheddar Sauce, Propel water flavorings, [not in view: Jell-O mixes, and instant pudding]
2nd Shelf: pancake mix, Minute Rice (white), leftover Christmas snacks (Gummy Bears, Gummy Worms, Hot Tomales, Twizzlers, Sweet-Tarts, Microwave Popcorn), smoked almonds, pretzel sticks, 94% Fat-Free Tortillas, Taco Bell taco seasoning, cooking supplies (shortening, flour, salt, brown sugar, corn starch, misc. spices and seasonings)
3rd Shelf: vegetable oil, Pam cooking spray, tuna packets (plain and Herb & Garlic flavored), salmon packet (Mango Chipolte flavored), black beans, refried beans, green beans, lite sliced peaches and pears, Chunky soups (Sirloin Burger, Hearty Ham & Bean, Grilled Chicken w/Country Vegetables, Chicken Tortilla), Zesta wheat crackers, raisins, flour, Healthy Harvest No Sugar Added Peach Mango Applesauce, [not in view: Jif creamy peanut butter]
Bottom Shelf: lunch sacks, napkins, bottled water, cleaning supplies, trash bags

Progress report III - Jan. 18

Weight: 229 lbs.
Loss/Gain: - 3 lbs.

59 lbs. to Goal (170 lbs.)

Exercise Hours: None

January Wellness Challenge progress: applesauce (apples), peaches, pears, bananas, carrots, broccoli, lettuce (Romaine and iceberg), zucchini, green beans, peas, potatoes, bell peppers (red and yellow), pineapple.
13 of 15.

I have to imagine that the weight loss will not continue if I don’t start adding exercise into the equation. I am going to have to make the time if I want to continue seeing results. Still, I’m down in the 220’s and only 59 lbs away from goal.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Wellness Log - Saturday

Exercise: None

Breakfast – bowl of oatmeal with spoonful of brown sugar, glass of V8 Fusion juice
Lunch - cup of hearty bean and ham soup, tuna on one slice of wheat toast, baby carrots, pineapple slices, glass of milk
Dinner – bowl of Creamy Broccoli Tuna Helper with broccoli florets, pears, glass of milk
Snacks – pretzel sticks and 2 Twizzlers (130 calories), glass of Diet Coke

15 Fruits and Vegetables – carrots, pineapple, broccoli, pears

I had a headache this afternoon that I believe came from eating a later lunch (and possibly in part to yesterday’s lighter day of eating). After a larger-than-usual lunch the headache went away. I think I need to record calories to make sure I’m eating enough each day. I’m not in a hurry to lose all 66.8 lbs. unhealthily – I do have all year to accomplish this. I believe I found a website that might make doing so easier – once I check it out further, I’ll let you know.

Friday, January 16, 2009

Wellness Log - Friday

Exercise: None

Breakfast – bowl of Cheerios, V8 Fusion Juice
Lunch at Panera – Smoked Ham & Swiss Sandwich on Stone-Milled Rye (lettuce only), pickle slice, apple, 2 glasses of Diet Pepsi
Dinner – cup of hearty bean and ham soup, baby carrots, pineapple slices, glass of milk
Snacks – blueberry herbal tea

15 Fruits and Vegetables – apple, carrots, pineapple

The lunch at Panera was my once-a-week meal with co-workers. The listed nutritional information for the sandwich I selected (770 calories; 32 grams total fat; 12 grams saturated fat) includes all toppings and condiments, of which I had only meat, cheese, and lettuce. It was a pretty good sandwich – the bread was light with chewy crusts, my favorite. I also looked up my favorite item from Panera, the chai tea latte, and found it only has 190 calories – not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. All said, today seemed like a day without a lot to eat.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Damn You, Pizza Hut

I really want to try Pizza Hut's new Natural Pizza, with its multigrain crust and all-natural pepperoni. It looks so wonderful on the television commercials.

It does have only 210 calories and 8 grams of fat (3.5 grams saturated fat) per slice.


Wellness Log - Thursday

Exercise: None

Breakfast – bowl of Cheerios, V8 Fusion Juice
Lunch - tuna sandwich, baby carrots, raisins, glass of milk
Dinner - cup of sirloin burger with country vegetables soup, steamed mixed vegetables (broccoli florets, julienne carrots, red and yellow sweet bell peppers), pineapple slices, glass of milk
Snacks – black chai tea, glass of Diet Coke

15 Fruits and Vegetables – carrots, raisins, broccoli, sweet bell peppers (red and yellow), pineapple

The Green Giant Immunity Blend of mixed vegetables in a garlic-herb infused extra virgin olive oil seasoning is quite good. My only complaint with these mixes is that, so far, the sauce/seasoning always seems to clump to one or two unsuspecting veggies, and when those are crunched into, they are excessively seasoned.

It was a tough day at home – without much to keep me busy – to not snack on something. I managed it, but it wasn’t far from my mind. I also realized that I hadn’t had a dessert since the contest started over a week and a half ago. That’s not normally my style. I need to look up some healthy – low calorie – desserts. I suppose there is always Jell-O, which I do have stocked in the pantry.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Wellness Log - Wednesday

Exercise: None

Breakfast – bowl of Cheerios, V8 Fusion Juice
Lunch - tuna sandwich, baby carrots, 2 blueberry applesauce cups
Dinner – cup of sirloin burger with country vegetables soup, salad with Italian dressing, peach slices, glass of milk
Snacks – Starbucks Iced Coffee (100 calories), glass of Diet Coke

15 Fruits and Vegetables – carrots, applesauce, lettuce, peaches

The food commercials on television are killing me. It all looks so good. The French dip sandwich at Arby’s. The new cheese-filled pasta at Olive Garden and the lunch specials at Red Lobster. Even the steak at Applebee’s looks appetizing. Will power, be my friend.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Wellness Log - Tuesday

Exercise: None

Breakfast – bowl of Cheerios, V8 Fusion Juice
Lunch – tuna sandwich, baby carrots, 2 blueberry applesauce cups
Dinner – wheat pasta with cheddar sauce, salad with Italian dressing, peach slices, 15 smoked almonds, glass of milk
Snacks – black chai tea, glass of Diet Coke

15 Fruits and Vegetables – carrots, applesauce, lettuce, peaches

I’m not getting enough water. For some reason, I just don’t seem to drink much other than the cup of tea I bring to work. I know that once the exercising begins I’ll need more water to stay properly hydrated. This weekend – when I have the time – I’ll do some more research on what my healthy diet needs to include. What I’m doing now is fine – definitely better that what I had been doing – but I can be more accurate, more healthy in my choices. Small tweaks, that’s all. And I feel horrible about missing an indoor bike workout with my uncle Steve. I need to get back on the bike.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Wellness Log - Monday

I've decided that since the Random Challenge this week involves recording what I eat and how much I exercise, I'd share my log here daily.

Exercise: None

Breakfast - bowl of Cheerios, pear slices, V8 Fusion Juice
Lunch - tuna sandwich, baby carrots, 2 blueberry applesauce cups
Dinner - wheat pasta with cheddar sauce and broccoli, raisins, glass of milk
Snacks - black chai tea, glass of Diet Coke, 3 pretzel sticks

15 Fruits and Vegetables - pears, carrots, applesauce, broccoli, raisins

Feeling pretty good, but still on the hungry side of a new diet. Some concern about not getting enough dairy in a day. I'll have to look up the recommended serving. I know I'm not eating as many grains as I probably should (but maybe I am - again, I'll need to check the recommendation), but since I've yet to get to exercising, I don't think I need any extra carbs for energy.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Random Challenge - Week of Jan. 12

Neal created a nice Excel spreadsheet to help him record his weekly progress with diet and exercise. This also helps keep track of the challenges - such as the different fruits and vegetables eaten this month to complete the Wellness Challenge.

I need an incentive to start recording my daily progress.

So, here’s the first Random Challenge, for 1 point:

During the week of January 12th – 18th, you must record all the things you eat and drink, as well as all the exercise you do. This list needs to be submitted to me through email by midnight, January 18th for your point.

And remember, anyone can come up with Random Challenges. Just email, or post in the comments, and I’ll put them up for all. Only one Random Challenge per week though.

Progress Report II - Jan. 11

Weight: 232 lbs
Loss/Gain: - 4.8 lbs.

62 lbs. to Goal (170 lbs.)

Exercise Hours: 0

January Wellness Challenge progress: applesauce (apples), peaches, pears, bananas, carrots, broccoli, lettuce (Romaine and iceberg), zucchini, green beans, peas.
10 of 15.

It was a tough week finding time to get out and exercise. My goal for this coming week is to make the time for exercise. As busy as I am, there are things like an extra hour of sleep, or a TV show or four on the weekend, I can forego for exercise. I did find that sticking to the diet was pretty easy. It was the portion control that probably helped me the most with my weight loss this week.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Green Giant Health Blends Vegetables

I saw these at the store last week and picked up a couple of packages as a way to try some vegetables I'm not normally inclined to eat. These Green Giant Health Blends are: "A delicious way to meet your health goals! Each variety contains premium vegetables, uniquely blended and lightly tossed with a great tasting sauce to provide you with specific nutrients to help you feel at your body’s best." (source)

I tried the Healthy Vision mix tonight and it wasn't that bad. The vegetables (carrots, zucchini, and green beans) come in a microwavable steamer bag and take only 3 or 4 minutes to cook. The Rosemary butter sauce was a little too strong, and the green beans a too little chewy, but overall, it wasn't a bad way to get a couple servings of veggies. And - who knew? - the zucchini was probably my favorite part the mix.

I have the Healthy Weight mix to try next. At about $2 a box, it's a bit more expensive than a can of green beans, but variety ain't a bad thing.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Not Starving, Just Hungry

I remember this from the one other time I really paid close attention to my diet. Hunger.

When you eat the normal portions of the "right" foods - especially that first week of dieting - you can feel like you are starving.

And then you think back to a week ago: You would have picked up McDonald's on your way home from work, and ate a 10-piece Chicken Nugget value meal with Diet Coke and a double cheeseburger. You'd have had some Cheetos because you were not quite finished with the show on TV you were watching, and TV without snacking on something is unimaginable. No night is complete without dessert, and so you would have raided your candy collection and ate at least a candy bar or two or three! You'd feel full - painfully so - and decide that maybe only a can of Diet Coke is all you need in that last hour before bed. You'd have to sleep with four pillows under your head to keep the acid reflux from burning your throat and keeping you awake, coughing up stomach acids.

Suddenly - surprised at your life only one week ago - you aren't so hungry any more.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Thinking of RAGBRAI

All it takes are the fond memories - memories of a tough event half a year in the past and still half a year in the future - to once more excite me about biking - and RAGBRAI (The Register's Annual Greatl Bike Ride Across Iowa).

I was reading through some of my uncle Craig's accounts of the past few years of the ride, and I am now excited to ride again this summer. After a few summers of nearly complete RAGBRAI's, I look forward to being in better shape, more prepared to ride and enjoy my week on the seat.

Here's a snapshot of the team at the end of the ride last year:

(There I am, left of middle, in the photo.)

Monday, January 5, 2009

Time To Workout

Sleep in the morning just feels so good.

Going back out - in the dark, in the cold - after being home for hours just seems so wrong.

Leaves me precious little of the day to exercise.

Maybe once I get back into the routine of bedtimes and early mornings, I'll be able to put in a brief workout before leaving for work. I just wish the gym I use isn't so busy right after work. I could swing by home, change, exercise, and be done with it all if that was the case.

Oh well, once the weather turns toward spring, I'll be able to pound the pavement - always easier to squeeze that in than a trip to the crowded gym.

So, no. No exercise today. However, the diet was spot on. Ate no junk. Got the required amounts of fruits and veggies. Even limited my portions to regular-sized servings. Go me.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Progress Report I - Jan. 4

Weight: 236.8 lbs
Loss/Gain: 0

66.8 lbs. to Goal (170 lbs.)

To be honest, I didn’t exercise a bit. I did do a bit to curb the calories consumed, but there were still holiday treats and a pudding pie that found their way in. The contest starts tomorrow. This is where it all begins.

Oh, and hopefully throughout the year my Charlie Brown-like head will come to resemble something more fit. We'll see...

January Wellness Challenge

For 5 points, you must eat at least 15 different fruits and vegetables before January 31. These must be mouthfuls of fruits and vegetables, not just a nibble of apricot, or single pea in a bowl of soup.

Keep your list of fruits and vegetables conquered throughout the month. You can share your list on January 31 in the comments section of the End of Challenge – January post.

Enjoy the challenge!

Friday, January 2, 2009

How About Some Competition?

Here's what I've come up with to motivate myself (and others) to reach my (our) goals:

A contest to earn a $50 gift certificate to (unless others want to contribute a little something toward the final amount, thus making the contest even more impressive).

Each participant will earn points throughout the year by exercising, losing weight, and completing monthly wellness challenges. The person with the most points on December 31, 2009, wins.

Each Sunday I will make a post of my progress, and ALL competitors must post their results in the comments section to earn their points for the week.

1 point for each hour of exercise
100 points for reaching goal weight (% of 100 points to be awarded based on individual weight loss goals)
1-5 points for monthly wellness topic challenges
1-5 points for random challenges made by competitors

The contest will start Monday, January 5th, and run through Wednesday, December 30th. If you wish to participate, you must reply in the comments section with your current weight, your goal weight, and your pledge that you will be truthful in reporting your progress.

January - Fruit & Vegetable Month

Even though June is the official Fruit and Vegetable Month, I've decided to make it the first of 12 monthly wellness topics. I have done a terrible job getting the proper amount of fruits and vegetables into my diet. So, I've decided the first step in my year of loss and health will be some fruit and vegetable appreciation.

According to the little calculator on, I need to consume 3 servings of vegetable and 2 servings of fruits each day. I can do this. The problem is I only enjoy a few different fruits and vegetables. Okay, so I haven't tried a lot of the different options available to me...maybe that's a place to start.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

The Beginning

Starting Weight: 236.8

I spent some time searching around on the web for descriptive statistics of the average 28 (and one half) year old male.

To be healthy he should be between 170 and 177 lbs. with a BMI (Body Mass Index) between 18 and 24.

Calculating my BMI with a height of 5’10 and a weight of 237 lbs., I have a BMI of 34. This puts me squarely – or rather roundly – in the category of obese.

What this means - I have some weight to lose. (Duh.)

My goal will be a weight of 170 lbs. by December 31, 2009.

This will require an average loss of 1.28 lbs. per week. Or 4,480 calories a week. For a total of 232,960 calories to lose this year.

Another way to think about this: One package of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups has 260 calories. I need to drop from my frame 896 packages of Peanut Butter Cups. Or 1,792 individual PB Cups.

You know, I think I may have actually eaten that many Peanut Butter Cups over the past few years.

66.8 lbs to goal.


I’m killing myself.

(How’s that for a hook?)

I’m chipping away at my life through my apathy, my inaction, and my indulgence. It’s not a pleasant realization when you recognize just how far off the path of good health you’ve wandered. I’ve wandered – lost – long enough.

This year I will turn things around. It won’t be easy. It won’t be easy in the least. It will be struggle, breakdowns and setbacks, and pain.

It will change my life. It will save my life.

And I’m the only one who can do it.